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I Want To Make My Friends Subconsciously Hate Me – Daily Blog #69

Yesterday I put across my argument for responsibility not being the same as fault. I think I made a good case for it and hopefully it caused you to think about your problems a little differently, too. Once you get over the fact that it kinda sucks to be cleaning up other people’s mistakes, it’s actually quite a liberating way of looking at things.

And while that responsibility lies on your shoulders because people don’t really care about your problems, unfortunately they are still going to come in and get in your way. If you’ve ever tried to lose weight, you’ll know what I’m talking about:

“Ah, you’re looking great though. You’ve already lost so much. Surely you deserve a night off, right? Don’t go so hard on yourself.”

This shit really makes my blood boil. Chances are they said this because you complained about low motivation. But they, rather than reminding you of how much your hard work has paid off so far, decide to make themselves feel better by justifying the decisions they’ve made in the past.

Decisions that had them falling short of the mark. Often weight loss attempts are made and lost during moments like these, and having shit friends who are just holding you back, well, I can get quite vocal on that subject.

Shit, let’s say you do deserve a break. You’re down 200lbs, have been dieting for years without breaking, and are only a few dozen lbs away from your goal. That’s bloody incredible, something that shouldn’t be glossed over and should be shouted from the rooftops to inspire people around you.

But given how far you’ve come, how close you are to the end, which do you think you’ll enjoy more? The pleasure that comes from 5 minutes of eating chocolate, or the years of joy that come with knowing all that hard work paid off?

And maybe eating that bar won’t slow you down that much. Maybe it won’t impact at all. But is doing a little more work then you need to that big of a deal?

For you, of course not. But for others? It’s huge.

Because now you’re making them question the decisions they made in the past. Making them feel bad out the levels of effort they put in and the fact that it had them starting off at square one time and time again.

The truth is that pulling you down like this, justifying these somewhat insignificant decisions, increases your chances of failure and helps them justify the levels of effort they are putting into their goals.

To be clear though, this isn’t a malicious act on their part. Far from it. But it is a subconscious one that our brains decide to do based on the fact that it’s evolved to fit in, be part of a bigger society and feel like it’s like and appreciate.

It doesn’t help that it also treats everything as fact, so it really does think that even though their last weight loss attempt ended in failure, they really did work as hard.

The truth is that everyone around you want’s you to be average because that makes them feel better about themselves. They don’t even realise it, but they do. And if you really want to achieve something, weight loss or otherwise, you’ve to ignore people who say you’re working too hard, and keep on plugging away. Because at the end of the day, one of two things will happen:

  1. Either you’ll not work as hard as you need to, be happy it was too uncomfortable, but sad that you failed, or
  2. You’ll work harder than you need to, have to suffer a little discomfort, but be totally fucking ecstatic that you’ve finally gotten to the end.

I know which one I’d pick.


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